Processing Change

This weekend was super emotional for me. Friday night was our last WyldLife club where the 8th graders have the privilege of sharing what they have learned about God and how WL has impacted them. I have never seen 14 yr olds cry harder. Life-long friendships have been formed through this ministry. Life-changing moments have happened through this ministry. These kids realized this as they spoked in front of nearly 70 kids about how Jesus became real to them in the past 2-3 years. I was being strong for them until Courtney talked about laying under the stars at Lost Canyon during the 10 minutes of quiet. The 10 minutes that changed her life. I had the great privilege of praying with her that night to receive Christ. When she shared that, I started weeping. To be apart of that life-changing moment in her life just overwhelms me to the core. I worry and pray over all these kids, but Courtney is one that I really hope for. I've struggled to really connect with her, and yet that's ok because it's about her and Jesus, not about me being her bff to feel better about myself. It was a humbling night to say the least. All credit went where it should and that's to God for His "mightyness to save".

Saturday night I went to a Shane & Shane concert alone. It was an unbelievable night. I'm going to be completely honest because it helps me process. Driving to this show was super difficult because I had to drive literally right by a guy's (who I am still trying to get over) house. This did not help my heart at all as I was readying myself to be at the foot of Jesus. Showing up I was pretty hard hearted and down right angry. Those emotions quickly broke down when I remembered who I was there for. The Lord has a way of turning weeping into laughing. :) I poured out my heart in surrender. I told Him what's really going on in my heart. I sang hard. I cried hard. I smiled hard. Joy overwhelmed my heart, in the midst of sucky, disappointing circumstances, Mercy Reigns. The drive home was full of listening to Him give me direction and peace.

sunday was a day of reflection. i was talking to my mom about the weekend and just change. it dawned on me that this is a season of change. friends graduating, WL ending (8th graders leaving), people moving on, etc etc. I couldn't help but cry just anticipating change and how life will look in a few weeks even. That night I went to bible study. A bible study consisting of a group of people who have become like family, a community. A community of people i have been praying for for 4 years. I have experienced community at Young Life camp, during work crew and summer staff. After those months of living at camp amongst amazing people I realized that that is what God created us for. For in depth community, to be known and to pursue Christ together. This bible study has been the first time I've experienced that on a day to day basis. In every day life. There has NEVER been a day that I doubted this is where wanted me. Never a question as to "do i fit here?" "will i belong in this group?" It's always been very clear this was a gift to be embraced and enjoyed. As we affirmed Kristen and Kevin that yes, this study has been worth and yes we will make an effort to continue it, tears streamed down my face as I recognized how truly grateful i am for these people.

I think I was just overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by change. By the swiftness of it, by the uncertainty of it. Watching people change and move, watching myself prepare for whatever the Lord has next for me. It's with a holy fear that I say "may YOUR will be done". With a holy fear I surrender to let the Lord take me where He will. It's scary. It's unknown. It's painful. But He is with me. And for that I will not be discouraged or afraid. Thank you Jesus.