Since I'm restricted to my office cubicle and unbearably uncomfortable office chair I hope to communicate whats on my heart clearly.
For a few months now I have lived in the absence of the Father's voice. Never doubting His presence or providence, but simply forgetting His voice. The tone, the comfort, the calmness it brings. I forgot what He sounded like. I'm well aware that my own pride and selfishness hindered me from hearing, my own decision to remain busy and distracted. Not even purposely avoiding Him, just simply not taking time to listen.
Listening. I get asked often "how do you hear from God" and I remember the day, the first time I heard Him. I was surprised that it came through my own thoughts. I was amazed it was that simple. As life progressed I began to hear God through His word and through worship. That is where I found comfort and stillness for most of my walk.
Then this past week I heard Him through teenagers. I heard Him in their hearts, in their cry to fight for more, in their battle against lies of the world, in their pursuit of real life. As high school girls wept over their despair and great disappointment in themselves and in relationships all around them I audibly heard the Lord. "They are mine." I audibly heard Him say "I have them. I hold them."
"You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways." Psalm 139 (vs. 3)
He sees their past. Their horrific, abused, afraid, ashamed, confused, painful pasts. He sees them all.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. (vs 7-12)
He never left them. I have found a deep deep comfort knowing He was there, He held them. During the screaming, the hitting, the cutting, the weeping, the loss of purity, the rumors and so much more.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-20
I heard God speak this to me when everything in me screams "fix this, change them, take over." He showed me this truth that it's not my job:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you." Isaiah 43:3
It's not my job. It's His. He holds all things together, His name is at stake, of course He's going to show himself as God, as Savior, as Friend, as Redeemer.
I'm completely humbled and amazed.
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