to die

I have recently come across a few blogs that talk about marriage from the wife's perspective. Both of them had a theme or a reference to "death" in them this week.

Marriage requires a kind of death. Though this is required for both husband and wife, the wife dies in a unique way. She takes a new name, and she has a new calling. This is what scares some women off, despite their desire for marriage and children. -- Feminagirls.com

I hope you die. I hope you die every day, twice, maybe three times a day if that’s what it takes to strengthen the bonds of unity. I hope you lay down your life and fight for your spouse, because you are stronger together. Even in your weakness, as you submit to God’s will, He will be strong on your behalf. --shelaughsblog.com

I am beginning to understand why people say marriage is hard. I'm not ready to admit my marriage is hard because I'd rather say my marriage is worth it and sometimes that means working for it. Fighting for it. I told my friend Anna that it's not so much fighting with your spouse, it's fighting YOURSELF. Daily I fight the temptation to make that face, have that tone, respond that way.

And every day I have to decide.

I love the bolded line above: you are stronger together. I can not tell you how much strength I feel when I am with him. Even when I'm at my weakest, in my weakest moments. And even more so with my heavenly Father. I am disciplining myself to slow down enough, in my heart and in my actions to say "Lord, this is challenging me, please help."

And I am stronger because of Him.

I think people say marriage is hard because yes, it's literally like living your life under a telescope. Nothing goes unseen with your spouse. They see you at your weakest and I would be bold-face lying to you if I said this reality hasn't destroyed me. It is unbearably uncomfortable to feel like nothing and have someone see you flat on your face laying in a puddle of failure. It hurts. And frankly, sucks.

But, to finish my thought, I think people say it's hard because being married is a daily, sometimes hourly reminder that you need Jesus.

And that is hard to admit most days.

But, it's like the quotes say above: Laying down my life for someone else. Because isn't that what Jesus commanded us to do for Him and for others?

And that is why I choose to die. Daily.