A few weeks ago Brit and I attended the YL Celebration, a conference hosting 4000 YL staff worldwide. It was a beautiful time of celebration, truly, of what God is doing to further the Gospel.
During some extended prayer time and silence I really felt the Lord asking me to be still, to truly be quiet, calm my heart and mind, not pray, not move, not anything. Just sit. And the whole week really I tried to place my heart in that a position of rest and stillness. Selfishly so I could have a break from anxiety and worry over things at home and mostly YL kids, but also to HEAR from the Father.
Truths He had spoken to me the previous week were most definitely reiterated but really emphasized that God sees ME. That He picked me, He has words for me, He has plans for ME. In more way then one, He reminded me that I am NEVER alone and that He KNOWS.
On the last night of the conference we had a dinner with our "areas" of work and we chose to attend the dinner for the Service Center (the building I work in). During that time they had coworkers come in and speak on our "calling". I was so impressed with the way they encouraged SC staff to realize working here is a gift, a calling to something greater. They even had cardboard testimonies of people's job titles on one side and how they are furthering the Gospel on the other side. It was powerful to say the least.
While holding back tears and thinking about how powerful this must be for everyone around me who's never thought of this, the Lord poked at my heart. "Hailey, this is for you too. I have called YOU to this."
You would have thought I walked into a wall or something, I could only imagine the look on my face, wide-eyed and shocked as I began to hear this. I have literally told people "I know I'm not called to graphic design". Mainly because my heartbeat is for teenagers. Mainly because its strains me to sit in front of a computer for 40 hours a week. Called? Really?
When Brit and I were engaged we talked a lot about what life would look like with kids. My dream would be to stay home. I grew up in a culture of home schoolers and "church" folk where the women's place was home with the kids. After moving to Colorado I have been exposed to working mothers. Mothers who work hard, long hours AND have time to raise kids, work out, cook, clean etc. What? This was completely foreign to me. And through the years I have really grown to respect these women.
Where does that put me? How will we decide what's best for OUR family but at the same time not neglecting our "calling" to other things. Or is that even possible? Could I be called to be a wife, mother, YL leader AND graphic designer? Wow God, that's a lot to handle.
I have also started more freelance jobs. Which is a whole other story. I have gotten 3 jobs with 2 other interests. I love it. I feel like I have come alive in exploring this new world and also working with brides. What a treat. I'm so excited.
So all in all, the dream I guess is to build up enough business to be able to eventually leave YL and do freelance while raising kiddos, BUT. I'm not God and I'm ever so grateful HE IS.
For now, I'm learning to Be Still and Know.
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