worship

All I want to do right now is worship. I want to blast the music, the anthems, the hallelujahs rejoicing the HOLY ONE. The Father. My God, Strength and Protector.

There is circumstances and life happening all around. The good and the bad. The sorrow and the pain. The joy and the healing. Friends with cancer, families falling apart, new babies being born, new souls being redeemed. New LIFE is happening.

How great is all of this. How does the heart of the Father contain it all!? Such celebration and such darkness all occurring in congruency! It's overwhelming as humans, our hearts and minds and contain the sum of them. But He does. He holds ALL THINGS TOGETHER. I simply can not fathom that kind of sovereignty and love.

My words lack as I try to communicate my heart. Marriage is a beautiful beautiful gift. It is a wonder created by our sweet Father. I learn something new everyday about my love, my selfishness, my habits and about this man I now call Husband. Every day I choose him and no one else to be my partner, my companion, my lover. We laugh together, we cry together, we celebrate the Lord's love and providence in our lives, we mourn lost kids, broken relationships and the entanglement of sin. We waited for each other and there is profound beauty and glory in that. When he holds me in his arms I feel peace. Peace of a lonely and searching girl who desperately prayed he would one day come. I'm humbled and constantly amazed he chose me. Me, every day, forsaking all others. He extends grace when I least deserve it. He cheers me up when I've been mean and spiteful. He calms me when I'm losing it and want to curl up and die. He walks beside me when I need it the most.

Every day I have a living example of my heavenly Savior. I see Christ in Brit's love and adoration for me. It knocks me off my feet and onto my knees. Why Lord, why would you love me like that? Why Lord why would you want to know me that intimately? Why Lord why would you continue to pursue and love me in the midst of my messiness and rebellion. It ruins me.

Continue to stretch and mold me, Father. Thank you for being ever present in my marriage and in Brit's heart and actions. Teach me to serve, to love and to support well.

Amen